七麦数据

Okay I'll put my hands up; the app started breaking this week and it's *entirely* my fault. We knew essential updates were required at the mojito-cooled ServerSuite in Miami. Lewis, Nick & Ryan worked diligently and produced me a stack of 8 floppy discs inside a gold Rimowa Attaché briefcase, which I placed carefully in the velour-lined trunk of our poolwater teal 1987 Lotus Esprit Turbo. But here's the thing. As I'm driving down Ocean Drive, I see the Poolsuite corporate jet flying overhead; a promotional banner flying behind – those damn Vacation boys took the jet again! Do they know how much that thing costs to fly an hour? Do they know they can hire a regular banner plane for $500?! Lach's flying the thing and hasn't renewed his licence in 12 years! On second thought; I'm pretty sure he only had a powerboat license! I'm FLABBERGASTED. I lose concentration, the Lotus veers of the road, flips 7 times through the air and somehow lands in the Versace mansion pool. I climb out of the car, walk calmly out of the pool and order a Peach Bellini at the nearest table. Everyone cheers. I'm fine; the floppy disks are not. Whilst that briefcase shuts tight it was no match for the powerful chlorine of that pool. So that's why we couldn't make the updates in time, and that's why tracks weren't playing properly. I'm truly sorry for interrupting your leisure time, and hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me this time.

WE HAVE A NEW NAME... Introducing "Poolsuite"

Dear Beloved Patrons of the Pool,

You have been with us through doubt and through certitude. Through thick and thin. And once again, we ask for your unwavering support.

Unbeknownst to many, Poolside FM has undergone an ocean liner sized challenge with the law regarding intellectual property rights surrounding "Poolside FM" as our associated brand name. What would begin as a trademark infringement lawsuit would soon develop into a saga of contention, malfeasance, and deceit.

Troubled Times

For almost 4 years we have evaded the hard hand of the law through a multitude of high-stakes relocations throughout the Caribbean basin. Grasping dearly to the household name you all know and love. Out of desperation we made a questionable arrangement with the St Lucian Mafioso to protect us from the USPTO and various international rights holders. Inevitably, this only deepened our Mariana Trench of problems. Spending days in reckless speedboat chases and sleepless nights on uncharted islands, with nothing but cocktail napkins for blankets. It was only a few years ago that mounting a D-30 turbofan jet engine to a 1986 Wellcraft 38 Scarab KV would be a misuse of the company budget. But a few wrong moves with the Caribbean Cartel would prove this procedure to be an extortionate yet core component to our survival.


Moving Forward

We have gone to the ends of the earth – literally – to avoid drastic measures, with generous plea bargains put forth by our team of nautical attorneys. But ultimately not even collections of valuable tropical fish, light aircrafts filled with Lambrusco wine and fine Italian meats, or a specially built sea-faring Ferrari 308 GTS would be enough to feed the USPTO’s insatiable hunger for injustice. The only way out was to wave a white sail. Not as a surrender to the law. But as a token to mark the monumental restructuring of our corporate identity.

Today we resign our troubled past overseas. Today we make a new name for ourselves. Today we return home as…


Poolsuite™


Luxurious yet leisurely. Frivolous yet sophisticated. The same sweet sound of summer— turned up to 11. Pack your virtual bags as you've been upgraded from sitting poolside to a private cabana at The Poolsuite. Lie back as we embark on an ambitious worldwide expansion, bringing you a rich suite of virtual tools & leisure products to give you delicately towards "The Good Life" from the comfort of your daybed.

Thank you for your unshakeable commitment to our cherished enterprise.

And as always, we'll see you by the pool.

Just bug fixes, in anticipation of a dramatic, incoming vibe-shift.

WE LAUNCHED AN ACTUAL SUNSCREEN COMPANY, AND YES I AM LITERALLY USING THIS APP STORE UPDATE TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT. IT’S CALLED VACATION, AND IT’S HANDS DOWN THE BEST SMELLING SUNSCREEN ON EARTH. Ever wondered what Poolside FM smells like? Do you want summer of ’21 to smell like summer of ’86? We got you. Open the app to learn more. We also fixed some bugs and are preparing for some biggggg old updates in the next couple weeks. Much love & wishes from the pool.

You kept hearing the same songs. I kept hearing the same songs. If I keep hearing these songs, I'm going to jump in my 1994 Ferrari Testarossa and drive directly off the nearest pier. But I've only just arrived on the Dominican Republic and I don't actually know where the nearest pier is and my phone has no service for maps. I could drive it straight into the ocean but I'm not entirely convinced I'll make it through the sand on the beach. I could get a local SIM card with 4G but the thrill of being disconnected from my inbox when I step outside my apartment is making me feel ALIVE. I digress, I'm hoping I don't have to do this as this update should fix the issue but we'll see and I guess you'll hear about it if I do.

No big update here, probably not even worth reading this. But alas, it appears you're still here, holding on with me to see what excitement's to come despite me trying so hard to deter you. It's real nice that you're still here actually; it does get lonely out here all by myself writing release notes by the pool.

Anyway, my dear compadre:

– New channel selector on the music player, which makes it a bit easier to get where you need go to, you know?
– App works better on iPhone 5s now.

That's all for now, and don't give me that disappointed look, I warned you!

We broke referrals, we fixed referrals! Now testing RASPBERRY DAIQUIRI MIX as server coolant.